Not the Year Any of Us Had Planned

Last we spoke it was March 2020 and the pandemic was just beginning to restrict our lives in the States. I had been dating someone for 2.5 months. I was officially divorced. Life was “getting better”.

I did not date that person for much longer. The pandemic brought out all their red flags and I walked away from it. The scarier part was realizing it felt the same way as it did when I started dating my ex.

I talked to some other people, only to come to the conclusion in May 2020 that I probably was not ready for all this and I was really wasting these folks’ time. I continued to talk to 2 of them with the idea we would be friends only to see that it was never going to be in the capacity that I wanted friendships.

I had to be honest with myself about a lot of things. Things I did not want to admit to. It was time to face the head and heart work.

I have been solidifying what I want and expect from people. I’ve also been getting a life. I bought a kayak. I hiked and kayaked a lot this Summer. I am still hiking. I have been taking some classes and focusing on learning new things.

What I feel now is comfort and joy with myself. Its good to make time to see people, but I am finding joy in time and space to myself.

So essentially, this last year was hard, but not the worst year of my life. I can see that a lot of good came from it and it may have been the year I really needed verses the one I planned it to be (traveling a lot, getting back out there, tattoo, more piercings, etc.).

My goals for 2021, likely will not all happen, but they look like:

  • Buying a place of my own
  • Finding more of me
  • Working on my friendships
  • Learning as much as possible
  • Keep reading
  • Exploring new hobbies
  • Taking care of my body

Everyday is a different thing, so live it however you can towards bringing you peace and joy.

Oh How Things Have Changed

Finally getting around to updating my blog information. At this point in life I feel like I was way too “fits-po” or “fitspirational” when I started this blog and had my head up my ass. I had just realized that what I thought I wanted was just what everyone else was pushing onto me. I was fit enough to get a 6 pack and it made me cringe. The body I was praying I had I got and I realized I loved my “average” body from before.

I now find myself back to the Bridget Jones form I had for most of my adult life. Sure, I could lose 5-10 lbs to get my doctor or others to tell me, “Good job!” However, being “a little bit fat” is healthier than I thought it was, especially mentally. I wasted so much time and created so much anxiety just thinking about being fit.

I feel like I was a phony, but when I started the blog I was in a better place because I had already realized being thin was not everything and doing Bikini Body Guide workouts that made me hate life was no way to live happily. I got my cycle back, I lost weight from disordered eating, life is beautifully imperfect and I still feel like generally I am a happy, positive person. So I am not a phony. I am just a gal living and trying at life.

I updated the text around the blog and my Instagram. Spring’s arrival is breathing into me and hopefully you will see that in my posts. 🙂 Happy St. Patrick’s day!

Ending What I Ate This Week

So I started doing these posts every week because I thought it would help me stay on track, but it did not. Addressing my emotions and finally knowing where we are heading after my partner graduates really changed my habits. It does not mean that I will never share what I ate again, but I need to focus on improving myself. Let me know if there is any aspect you would like to me share about the process I am doing to end my bad eating habits.

I Was Wrong… (Installment 1)

This will be the first in a series of posts that will be irregular to this blog because I have no idea how often I will find myself to have relied on poor sources of information. I want to start this series off with an apology to some people I care about. Historically, I have been hard on my partner, friends and family about the importance of breakfast. As an early bird, I had always been someone who eats first thing in the morning and I attributed a lot of successes and failures to how I started my day with food (or without food in cases of failure).

I was wrong… about breakfast. There are studies that show mixed results for breakfast being the most important meal of the day. Also, some of the most successful people I had the pleasure to work with NEVER ate breakfast. I had been told by health professionals that it is important to have protein first thing in the morning and of course we have all heard the phrase “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” But recently I started questioning if it is really essential to break that fast right when you wake up.

Throughout my month of commuting 2 hours for work I had become so stressed out that I had lost my appetite in the morning. Initially, I forced myself to eat something when I arrived at work, but one morning I was so busy that I just did not eat until noon. That one morning quickly turned into a week. I kept that up for the rest of the month and now I eat my first meal whenever I start to feel hungry.

I realized pretty quickly my eating habits were leaning towards the much talked about intermittent fasting. After bulking, I am so over changing up how I eat. I have no intention of following intermittent fasting. However, I was jolted by how my body and mind reacted to changing when I break the fast each day.

I feel less stressed about food. Bowel movements are a pleasure. Bloating has seriously decreased. I am not snacking as much. I am not thinking about the next meal as much. With my work I am functioning on a whole other level. I have not been this productive in years. I feel as though this all happened at the perfect time too. I was able to end my job on a high note by accomplishing a lot in the last few weeks and I need to keep my eating habits healthy since I cannot workout for a while.

So I am sorry to my loved ones for giving them such a hard time. I hope to continue to learn more and be supportive of others. For the record, I still eat breakfast. It just happens at like 10 or 11 AM now, which means I get to enjoy meals in sync with my partners eating routine. 🙂