Remain Calm and Take Care of Yourself

Yeah, I messed up last Sunday… and a bit today…

With all this hysteria going on, let us remember to take care of ourselves. We need to take the time to relax, talk to people (while social distancing to prevent spread), and in general do things that will keep us healthy.

For relaxing, I am thinking:

  • Take a bath
  • Read a book
  • Meditate
  • Self massage

To keep up with socializing:

  • Texting more
  • Using Snapchat
  • Video chat with friends and family

Keeping healthy is not just about social distancing:

  • Exercise at home
  • Continue to go outside for fresh air by walking/running/hiking, but avoid close contact with others
  • Do not just stock up on your favorite treats, make sure you buy frozen produce, canned produce and bags of grains or beans, but get some fresh stuff to enjoy this week, remember the grocery stores will be open and you can go back to get more things
  • And if you are sick, take care of yourself:
    • Drink plenty of water
    • Get plenty of sleep
    • Take some Tylenol to reduce your fever, if you have one
    • Eat healthy foods to improve your chances of getting better sooner

We all need to do our part to flatten the curve and that primarily means taking care of yourself.

 

Life is different in 2020, in a good way

Did I tell you I still might allow things to post before completing them (Sorry I did not complete it until Tuesday)… Did I tell you I moved… Did I tell you my divorce papers are signed… Did you know I kind of started dating…

So rewind to late December, I left New York state on the 21st and made it to my hometown by the evening of the 23rd. Just in time for Christmas with my family. I got a job back in Michigan though so I was enjoying that time with my loved ones there before moving back to another place where I have a support system. It was great. All the love was exactly what I needed before starting over on my own again.

Shortly after moving back to Michigan, my divorce papers were signed and submitted to the NY state court. While I do not have the divorce decree yet, things are feeling more final and like I can move on. I will be changing my name back to my maiden name and I at this time feel that I will not change it ever again. I had started to feel some grief over missing my name and feeling like being called Mrs. ______ just felt off.

Additionally, shortly after moving I met someone and we are taking it slow, the slowest I have ever taken things. So far so good. I had a few concerns and we talked them over. It was a very different conversation than I have ever had with a guy… It is refreshing. Even if it does not work out, this was good to experience right out of a long poor relationship. I like him and feel uncomfortable with dating this soon, but he keeps surprising me and I am not letting it hold too much weight.

Overall, I am much happier. Things are pretty good. I have some grief I am dealing with from my grandmother passing and being an adult can be stressful sometimes, but life is still good.

 

Healthy Goals

I’m so far off the bandwagon that I can not see it anymore. So here are my goals…

  • Reduce sugar intake because holy sh*t am I addicted and it is making me eat more (scientific fact).
  • Intense workout 4 days a week and yoga almost every day if not every day, of course, I am going to work my way up.
  • Move more, I find myself rarely getting up from my desk…. so so so bad. I should take a walk once a day and add it to my calendar each morning.
  • Get to bed by 10 PM. Sleep is essential!

It is not a lot, but it is a start.

Gratitude

With Thanksgiving this week, and I usually try to do something big within my practice of gratitude. However, this year with how tough things have been. I want to write about the importance of this everyday practice of mine.

Appreciation can have a big impact on your relationship with someone. Even when its just in a customer service transaction. Here are just a few reddit posts I have upvoted:

Spreading and receiving gratitude makes me feel good and connected to those I love and care about. It impacts all the areas of your life: family, friends, colleagues, neighbors and community. I did not grow up with all this gratitude, but when I saw first hand in early adulthood the power of it, it had to become a practice. I feel like it comes more naturally out of me now.

Reflecting on the recent events of my life, lack of appreciation greatly led to the end of my relationship, the lies uncovered were the guillotine as they made the lack of love so apparent. Showing appreciation could have turned things around… for a time, but in the end I feel I am better off not in that relationship. There were many other issues I was blind to. This year, I am working on appreciating myself and seeing all the love I already have in my life.

A New Routine

In August, I started doing some physical activity I stopped doing 2 years ago. Well, my cycle is back and seems to be unaffected by working out. So I am slowly getting back into the groove, though I am not doing anything Earth shaking. I will admit, my workout routine when I started this blog was a bit much to maintain with my stress levels.

My intention now is to have a plan and try to stick to it, ff I am not feeling it who the h*ll cares. I try to do a 10 to 50 min yoga video or meditation everyday and just go for walks when I feel like it, which typically happens everyday. So here is the lose plan I am following or not:

Monday (technically its like my Sunday since I work Tuesday through Saturday)

  • Morning yoga (10 to 50 min)
  • Hiking or walking (at least an hour and weather pending)

Tuesday

  • Morning yoga (10 to 50 min)
  • Upper body strength training (5 min warm up, 20 min workout, 5 min cool down stretching)
  • Walk

Wednesday

  • Sunrise run (10 min around the neighborhood)
  • Morning yoga (10 to 50 min)
  • Walk

Thursday

  • Morning yoga (10 to 50 min)
  • Lower body strength training (5 min warm up, 20 min workout, 5 min cool down stretching)
  • Walk

Friday

  • Morning yoga (10 to 50 min)
  • Post work walk (about an hour)

Saturday

  • Sunrise run (10 min around the neighborhood)
  • Morning yoga (10 to 50 min)
  • Walk

Sunday

  • Morning Yoga (10 to 50 min)
  • Walk

Therapy Homework

I have been quite conscious of the fact that relationships take work for a long time and I really started being more thoughtful in graduate school when I noticed many of my relationships suffering. I lived far from home and really did not give them the attention and care they deserved. My initial thought was to just research and do better, which helped. Not enough though.

In seeking help lately, I was given the homework to be more assertive and express how I am feeling. Additionally, I need to keep others accountable for what they say or promise to me. It is really breaking an unfortunate habit I have created. And as I write this I am thinking about the fact that I am the gal who is constantly working on herself.

I am not perfect and I never can be, but I want to be a kind and thoughtful person. This homework though, while I feel it is thoughtful… I feel so unkind at times. I am struggling with this part of the homework. I know it is necessary to tell people what you need, however, I feel conflicted with relying too much on others. It takes a lot of reminding myself that sometimes the kind thing to do is to be blunt and clear.

At this moment I feel like I have put too much faith in what I was told, which is why I need to work on keeping them accountable. Everything I am being promised right now for both scenarios of how things could work out, they need to be followed. I can not let anything slide anymore. I am what is at stake here.

I would love to hear the kinds of homework you or a professional have given you to work on. Or maybe your working on the same thing as me, how do you feel you are doing? Right now, I would give myself a B-. I just need to pause to think more before saying, no I do not need anything.

Practicing Self Care

With feeling like life is not all together, I am glad I took some time last month to get back into some self care. I needed to do something for myself. I took a long break from working out and doing any extra stuff that cost money. I am always trying to save as much as possible without losing my mind.

Some self care is easily done on a budget. For instance, I really do not mind giving myself a manicure and pedicure because its very cost effective and I have all the supplies. Last month, however, I spent some money:

  • I got my brows tinted.
  • I got my first underarm and Brazilian wax treatment.
  • I got a real haircut from a salon where the stylist actually knows how to cut curly hair.

These were not cheap, but since I liked the results from the wax treatment, I got a wax pass through the European Wax Center. I also tried to extend the brow treatment as long as possible by picking up better products for filling in my brows and growing them. I am actually going my 2nd time today, so that is about 6 weeks between visits. I had not worn any makeup for 6 months, so it took some getting back into the groove of things.

Then the haircut, which was the most expensive per visit… I am hoping I can get away with maintaining it every 4-6 months, rather than the every 3 my stylist recommended. Also, that was the longest I ever spent in a salon and I feel like I just do not have time for that. The haircut was really the best cut I have ever had though.

I know I do not need to do these things, but it felt good to do something for myself for a change. I do not know if I will keep them up forever, but they are helping me deal with life for now.

Too Much Cake

The title of this post is misleading, but also relevant. I have been going through a lot recently and its gotten to a boiling point. It is personal and this is not the place to get into it, but I want to stress the point of taking care of yourself.

As much as I love cake, there is such thing as too much of it. Figuratively speaking, I have indulged in a dream world to escape what I have been going through, yes I am aware that it not the healthiest thing. Additionally, for my birthday I had indulged in cake, cupcakes, ice cream, etc.. Now I am done with the indulgence emotionally and physically. I need to take care of myself and I started this week.

I weight trained twice this week (30 min of upper body on Tuesday and 30 min of lower body on Thursday), which has made me feel incredible sore and relieved of some internal tension. I also finally opened up more about all the thoughts consuming me to 2 close friends, which helped me get out of my own head. I also cut back on the sweets this week, which is why I had a headache most of the week.

It is all a good thing. Sometimes in life you go through shit. It can remind you that you need to take care of yourself and take it all one step at the time.

Today, I am meeting up with my best friend from Michigan, his wife and kid. They just moved a few hours away and I am incredibly excited to see him. He really helped keep me grounded in graduate school. I hope I get to see him more and more now, instead of the few times we play catch up over Skype throughout the year. 🙂

I plan to fill my life with as much love as possible and continue to care for myself.

Habits That Have To Go Right Now

Over thinking. I did it a lot in my teens and early twenties. I do not need to get back into it.

Rushing to wash my dishes before work.

Buying snack foods we like just because they are on sale.

Waiting around to see if someone will join me for an activity.

Overly planning out meals for the week, it is nice to get out once or twice a week or just eat something basic.

Worrying about the status of my fertility.

Daydreaming, its a serious time sink.

Getting snippy with my partner because he got snippy with me due to the stress he’s been under. It just does not help the relationship to reciprocate in that way.

I evaluate my habits regularly. My goals in life are generally surround by being happy and a decent human being. However, I know that I can pick up little motions here and there that can hinder achieving or maintaining my goals. I think I am going to be more open about my goals again next week because I feel like it has been too long since I really thought about them. My recent journal reading and writing has me rethinking some changes I made in my late twenties. Its time to dive deeper into my long term goals.

 

 

Learning to Deal With Failures

This will be a short one as I had a rough week and honestly can not pin down what I feel like writing about.

Through my partner’s work we have access to a website called mequilibrium and it has brought up a lot of feelings for me. The website is meant to help you mentally by providing “science-based resilience training.” The most recent track has me reflecting on my failures and how I may not have handled them well. I now have a better picture of what to do in the future, but I can not help feeling overwhelmed by those failures. I am not depressed, but bewildered.

I do not even know what to say about my failures. Life moved on though and things worked out. Then yesterday, I saw a high school friend posted that she was recently let go from her job and in the same post she was so gracious about the opportunity she was given. Then she announced her next move. I hope I can be that strong when met with my next failure.