Last we spoke it was March 2020 and the pandemic was just beginning to restrict our lives in the States. I had been dating someone for 2.5 months. I was officially divorced. Life was “getting better”.
I did not date that person for much longer. The pandemic brought out all their red flags and I walked away from it. The scarier part was realizing it felt the same way as it did when I started dating my ex.
I talked to some other people, only to come to the conclusion in May 2020 that I probably was not ready for all this and I was really wasting these folks’ time. I continued to talk to 2 of them with the idea we would be friends only to see that it was never going to be in the capacity that I wanted friendships.
I had to be honest with myself about a lot of things. Things I did not want to admit to. It was time to face the head and heart work.
I have been solidifying what I want and expect from people. I’ve also been getting a life. I bought a kayak. I hiked and kayaked a lot this Summer. I am still hiking. I have been taking some classes and focusing on learning new things.
What I feel now is comfort and joy with myself. Its good to make time to see people, but I am finding joy in time and space to myself.
So essentially, this last year was hard, but not the worst year of my life. I can see that a lot of good came from it and it may have been the year I really needed verses the one I planned it to be (traveling a lot, getting back out there, tattoo, more piercings, etc.).
My goals for 2021, likely will not all happen, but they look like:
- Buying a place of my own
- Finding more of me
- Working on my friendships
- Learning as much as possible
- Keep reading
- Exploring new hobbies
- Taking care of my body
Everyday is a different thing, so live it however you can towards bringing you peace and joy.