Not the Year Any of Us Had Planned

Last we spoke it was March 2020 and the pandemic was just beginning to restrict our lives in the States. I had been dating someone for 2.5 months. I was officially divorced. Life was “getting better”.

I did not date that person for much longer. The pandemic brought out all their red flags and I walked away from it. The scarier part was realizing it felt the same way as it did when I started dating my ex.

I talked to some other people, only to come to the conclusion in May 2020 that I probably was not ready for all this and I was really wasting these folks’ time. I continued to talk to 2 of them with the idea we would be friends only to see that it was never going to be in the capacity that I wanted friendships.

I had to be honest with myself about a lot of things. Things I did not want to admit to. It was time to face the head and heart work.

I have been solidifying what I want and expect from people. I’ve also been getting a life. I bought a kayak. I hiked and kayaked a lot this Summer. I am still hiking. I have been taking some classes and focusing on learning new things.

What I feel now is comfort and joy with myself. Its good to make time to see people, but I am finding joy in time and space to myself.

So essentially, this last year was hard, but not the worst year of my life. I can see that a lot of good came from it and it may have been the year I really needed verses the one I planned it to be (traveling a lot, getting back out there, tattoo, more piercings, etc.).

My goals for 2021, likely will not all happen, but they look like:

  • Buying a place of my own
  • Finding more of me
  • Working on my friendships
  • Learning as much as possible
  • Keep reading
  • Exploring new hobbies
  • Taking care of my body

Everyday is a different thing, so live it however you can towards bringing you peace and joy.

Life is different in 2020, in a good way

Did I tell you I still might allow things to post before completing them (Sorry I did not complete it until Tuesday)… Did I tell you I moved… Did I tell you my divorce papers are signed… Did you know I kind of started dating…

So rewind to late December, I left New York state on the 21st and made it to my hometown by the evening of the 23rd. Just in time for Christmas with my family. I got a job back in Michigan though so I was enjoying that time with my loved ones there before moving back to another place where I have a support system. It was great. All the love was exactly what I needed before starting over on my own again.

Shortly after moving back to Michigan, my divorce papers were signed and submitted to the NY state court. While I do not have the divorce decree yet, things are feeling more final and like I can move on. I will be changing my name back to my maiden name and I at this time feel that I will not change it ever again. I had started to feel some grief over missing my name and feeling like being called Mrs. ______ just felt off.

Additionally, shortly after moving I met someone and we are taking it slow, the slowest I have ever taken things. So far so good. I had a few concerns and we talked them over. It was a very different conversation than I have ever had with a guy… It is refreshing. Even if it does not work out, this was good to experience right out of a long poor relationship. I like him and feel uncomfortable with dating this soon, but he keeps surprising me and I am not letting it hold too much weight.

Overall, I am much happier. Things are pretty good. I have some grief I am dealing with from my grandmother passing and being an adult can be stressful sometimes, but life is still good.

 

Hiking Turned Spontaneous Drive

Last Sunday, I figured I would hike Storm King Mountain since it was on my list and I could pass by the Beacon farmers market to get the brilliant goat cheese. Turns out, on can not turn off to the trail head from the South bound side of Route 9W. I had to drive 3 miles to the next exit and I found myself at the West Point visitor center and museum… They are not actually in West Point by the way. West Point does have restrictions for going there, as they should. I figured I should check it out what I can since I am here. No regrets. I live for adventures like this.

West Point is nestled at a bend on the West bank of the Hudson river where you can not see it coming up for New York. That is what makes it such an ingenious spot to place a military academy. There is a brief history on their website if you want to know more.

Its free. The visitors center really gives you an idea about going to school there, while the museum displays objects and artifacts of the US army’s history. The basement is where you find the big guns and crafty weaponry. It was a quick side trip.

I got back on the road to get back to Storm King Mountain. Turned out to be a historically significant site. The Freedom Road, “The route traveled by the 52 American hostages from Stewart airport to West Point after their release from captivity in Iran January 25, 1981.” Honestly, I thought… It was the 1980s… Why did they not just get in a car? Turns out, they were on buses and Route 9W was part of the path they took.

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The hike was beautiful as it was the last weekend to catch a glimpse of that gorgeous Fall foliage. I also got to do some bouldering. The views were amazing. It can be a quick hike too, if you do not stop as often as I did to drop your jaw.

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Post hike I was starving and thanked my past self for hiding an RXbar in my Camelbak, but I also stopped by a farm stand for a classic NY Apple Cider donut. That and the sandwich I picked up were the perfect end to the day.

A Journey in the Northeast US

I surprised a friend last weekend that I will see again today. He was doing a bike ride with our other friend who current lives only 2 hours from me. Of course, I turned this trip into a journey. I made a couple stops before getting to Williamstown, MA for the surprise.

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I enjoy drinking herbal tea, especially when it gets chilly and because I can not have caffeine due to heart issues. Traditional Medicinals and Celestial Seasonings are my favorite brands because they make crazy delicious and nurturing teas. However, with living in the Hudson Valley now, I have been told I need to check out Harney & Son’s. It is local here, though you can find it on the shelves at Target around the nation.

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Harney & Son’s is located in Millerton, NY, adorable town. I picked up a new favorite tea cup, a couple herbal teas for myself and a gift for my friend who was so kind to let me crash the last night of the guys weekend. After my tea excursion and grabbing a chai for the road, I went for a hike at Bash Bish Falls. It was a quick one, 20 min total for me. The falls were gorgeous though and I got a great workout back up to the parking lot.

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Next was surprising A a week early at Trail House Kitchen & Bar in North Adams, MA. He looked quite confused, but his hug was filled with all the love I needed. I miss the days in graduate school where we had deep conversations and he would test how much of a light weight I am. Needless to say, I was drunk not too far into the evening. BTW, this beer and the apple cider drink the other A concocted for me were brilliant.

 

 

We had a grand adult slumber party of games and catching up. It was exactly what I needed after a rough week. The next morning we grabbed breakfast and enjoyed the baby laughs before A had to hit the road back to Michigan. The other A, his baby and I took a trip up to the highest point in Massachusetts, Greylock. It was peak Fall foliage and breathe taking. After lunch, I made my way back down to the Hudson Valley.

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Reconnecting With My Love of Sports

I love watching and playing sports and I really have not done enough of either since moving from Chicago. Seeing St. Louis Blues winning the Stanley Cup, something I was never sure I would see, reminded me how much I have missed sports.

Baseball is my favorite sport to watch, but hockey has definitely made a come back. I have been trying to catch all the Cardinals games I possibly can since writing about my goals a few weeks ago. I am also still obsessively putting on my Binnington jersey, that I purchased to celebrate the Blues first Stanley Cup, everyday and I am eyeing the schedule for 2019-2020.

Additionally, I am going to make it to a Yankees and Mets game before the end of the season because I need to check out all the MLB stadiums. Currently, I am only 9 for 30… ouch. If I can get into the double digits by the end of the year that would be brilliant!

Playing sports though, has been more challenging to pick back up. Soccer holds my heart there and always will. The thrill I would get running down the field to dislodge that ball out from under my competitor, there is nothing like it. Defense was my primary position, since I am usually bigger than the offensive players. I think I should buy a new ball and find a field to get my toes wet again.

How are y’all keeping to your goals?

Too Much Cake

The title of this post is misleading, but also relevant. I have been going through a lot recently and its gotten to a boiling point. It is personal and this is not the place to get into it, but I want to stress the point of taking care of yourself.

As much as I love cake, there is such thing as too much of it. Figuratively speaking, I have indulged in a dream world to escape what I have been going through, yes I am aware that it not the healthiest thing. Additionally, for my birthday I had indulged in cake, cupcakes, ice cream, etc.. Now I am done with the indulgence emotionally and physically. I need to take care of myself and I started this week.

I weight trained twice this week (30 min of upper body on Tuesday and 30 min of lower body on Thursday), which has made me feel incredible sore and relieved of some internal tension. I also finally opened up more about all the thoughts consuming me to 2 close friends, which helped me get out of my own head. I also cut back on the sweets this week, which is why I had a headache most of the week.

It is all a good thing. Sometimes in life you go through shit. It can remind you that you need to take care of yourself and take it all one step at the time.

Today, I am meeting up with my best friend from Michigan, his wife and kid. They just moved a few hours away and I am incredibly excited to see him. He really helped keep me grounded in graduate school. I hope I get to see him more and more now, instead of the few times we play catch up over Skype throughout the year. 🙂

I plan to fill my life with as much love as possible and continue to care for myself.