Am I Really Busy?

Have you ever said you were busy, but really you just are acting like a hobbit for some reason or you are letting feelings overwhelm you or some other ‘lame’ excuse that kept you from having fun and stay connected to people. I feel like I have been coming up with ‘lame’ excuses for why I do not talk to people, go after more things or do more things. Inspirational moments like this always come to me with a good BBC documentary watching, I have been watching Life if you were wondering. I am on the Insects episode.

Back to my ah-ha moment. A lot of things changed this Fall, but the only one that had to change was a job change. I stopped saying good morning to my friend everyday. I stopped being my active self. I stopped doing anything with hair or makeup. I ate a lot of food, a lot. I feel like I wallowed and used travel to avoid doing things. I feel I could have done more with my life the past 5 months. And yes, BBC nature documentaries got me to realize this because animals, bugs, plants do and face so much everyday. Therefore what in the hell am I doing!?

I spent way too much time on the couch just this month. I was sick and my partner enjoys being at home in front of the TV for his birthday, but I could have been more active. I have not been taking care of myself or the apartment. I was sick for a week and a half. I also watched my partner complete the entire Legend of Zelda Breathe of the Wild game. Fun to see the story line through, but not how I like to spend my entire day.

I am done sitting around though and feeling useless. I have been a little active everyday since Tuesday, even if it was just 10 min of yoga or walking around the apt while reading because we had snow storms. I am trying to get out even with the snow and low temperatures since it is not like it will end when we move to New York. Time to live again no matter what.

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Reading

Reading was never my thing, but in the spirit of the new year I have been thinking about all the things I wish I was more into. I had always admired my best friend and cousin for their intense love of reading. I felt like this passion proved to be quite valuable to them. I feel like I missed out on an experience for some reason. I also wondered if it would help grow my bank of knowledge or ability to imagine.

I always wanted to be the type of person who reads, but realistically I will just come into reading phases because I am not going to lie to myself. So it is not a goal of mine to read more in 2018, but I have been reading. In fact I already completed 2 books and begun to read a third one.

The total number of books I have read for simply the joy of it during my entire life is definitely less than 20, maybe even less than 10. Therefore, having read 2 books in less than 2 weeks is quite the change. It makes me think maybe I could be more of a reader. I just have to find the right books.

If I really had a goal for this year, it would be to escape all the technology more because those moments bring a lot of joy to my life. The books I read recently where all ones from my things still at my childhood home. A book series my mother thought I would be into because the title had my name in it and Little Women.

However, most of my reading has been done on my Kindle does not feel like I am escaping technology. Technology certainly is convenient. I think the important thing is that I am doing what makes me happy. That is my true goal always.

Hormonal Update

I mentioned that I had a cycle in September, but then things were quiet for a couple months. Nothing happened in October and I only spotted for a few days in November. Exactly one month after spotting in November, I got an early Christmas present from mother nature. I was pretty happy and finally felt like I had an update to provide on the matter of my hormones.

All I have done was stop working out and focused on managing my anxiety. I have not full on binge ate since November. I did not gain a single pound over the holidays, but that could have been due to the food poisoning I experienced on Christmas day which made it impossible to really eat much for a week. However, I feel different when I am full. I keep thinking that I can not imagine putting anything else in my mouth. I just stop eating because I am full and not in an uncomfortable way at all.

My anxiety has mainly been due to not letting things go and avoiding things. I have avoided issues, such as responding to questions regarding planning my wedding when I am not even engaged yet, and tasks that for some reason seem daunting, such as completing a written sample that was requested of me. Of course, avoiding these things ends up increasing my stress levels.

One of my faithful readers who is a dear member of my extended family and my partner have provided me with much help. Telling me to go with the flow of the visit or family gathering and to remain calm with people or I will just be projecting my anxiety onto others. I do not want my anxiety to sabotage my life and hormones. It has not been easy, but what is? I am getting there the best way possible and enjoying it.

 

A New Year With New Opportunities

I just arrived to my in-laws yesterday to spend New Years with my partner and his side of the family. I am so happy to be with my nephew again. He starting to learn to walk and is turning 1 year old in 12 days! I feel blessed to have this time, especially because things will be different next year.

Given the time of the year, I find myself reflecting on how thankful I am that my partner and I are together after 5 years of long distance and being able to plan our future. 2017 was filled was a lot of changes and struggles that felt out of my control, but we have had much to talk about, research and plan.

I likely will not be working in a planetarium or even a science center. However there are a lot of other opportunities, such as libraries, state parks, history museums or even a museum down in New York City. I am flexible since I have a lot of passions. My partner and I also talked about me doing yoga teacher training or studying nutrition. With how I have seen many of my friends needing to adapt with the jobs that are available, I figured I would need to be open to other careers. My path to working in the planetarium was not straight forward.

My partner is seeing this in his technology career too. What he started working on when we began graduate school in 2009 is on its way out soon. The job offer he took allows for him to take professional development courses and learn more about the other areas of his field so he can grow with his field. It was amazing the opportunities this company will offer.

Any new opportunities happening for you this year that you would like to share? I would love to hear about them in the comments below!

Laughter

I have been laughing a lot lately. I am realizing it is something I have not done much of over the last decade. Sad. Things have just been so serious and overly planned out. I did not have enough moments where I was enjoying life. Thankfully, that is changing now. It feels great to be laughing again every day.

I have heard it can help with reducing stress levels, among other benefits. Laughing is undeniably good for you. There are all these conflicting messages about what foods or habits are healthy, but the actions you do for a happy life can be the best place to start to improve your health.

A short post today because we should all be enjoying the holiday season with our loved ones. I know I want to focus on laughing with my family and friends. Happy Holidays! Hope you get in your laughs this week 🙂

Ending What I Ate This Week

So I started doing these posts every week because I thought it would help me stay on track, but it did not. Addressing my emotions and finally knowing where we are heading after my partner graduates really changed my habits. It does not mean that I will never share what I ate again, but I need to focus on improving myself. Let me know if there is any aspect you would like to me share about the process I am doing to end my bad eating habits.

My Binge Eating, the Truth

I have been binge eating. It is an unhealthy habit and I am trying to put a stop to it. I know I am doing this as a response to anxiety. I need to address the stress instead of escaping it via eating well past full. Realizing you have a problem is step one. Getting help regarding my anxiety issues is the next step. I am looking into though.

There are not a lot of options mental help in my area that we can afford, but I recently learned about the online tool BetterHelp that I think can work for my needs. I have to do something though. It is important for my health and healing. I also know that my mentality could be negatively impacting my hormonal healing.

This is something that has gotten out of control over the last year, but it is not a new habit. When family drama heightened over the holidays I used the buffet of holiday meals to distract me and keep my mouth shut. Though, as soon as the food was put away I was free to speak my mind. Eating is out a temporary fix.

Currently, I have been buying and making too much food and using the excuse of not wanting to waste anything. It is just an excuse though. There have been many things I could have froze to eat another day or items I could have just not made.

What I Ate This Week (12/7 – 12/13/2017)

A week mostly filled with leftovers, but did not over eat and kept dessert to the end of the day or herbal tea.

Breakfast

Quiche and fruit with yogurt

Quiche and juice

Apple cider buttermilk pancakes – I just really wanted pancakes, so I made it happen one morning and the craving was done.

Clementines, pomegranates, pear butter, yogurt – I made the yogurt in our instant pot. I also made the pear butter 🙂

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Lunch

Avocado toast and juice

Lentil soup

Lentil bolognese over spaghetti squash

Coconut curried lentils

Dinner

Thai Chili Brussels Sprouts and Tofu

Pinto and gauc tacos topped with red cabbage slaw

Lentil bolognese over spaghetti squash

Butternut squash soup with pepitas, pomegranate and goat cheese

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Dessert

Hot Cocoa and Chocolate Peppermint cookies – Watch the video for the cookie recipe, if you use it, she left over the sweetener on the written recipe.

Herbal tea

Miniature Mint Kitkat

Was I Getting Enough Sleep?

Since my last day of work at the museum, my sleep has changed. I pretty much always got in 8 hours and I thought it had been the perfect amount of sleep for me. However, I have been waking up naturally after 9 hours for the past few months. I started to wonder if I had been getting enough sleep before.

I am not someone who has trouble sleeping. I enjoy sleeping and only occasionally, usually due to traumatic experiences, have issues with falling asleep or staying asleep. My partner on the other hand has serious insomnia issues and can be stubborn about following the routine his doctor recommended to help him fall asleep and stay asleep. I know I am lucky and that many people suffer from sleeping disorders. I just have been reminded lately that sleep is important.

With the changes coming up we will be able to get a new mattress too, which could help us both since our current bed is 8 years old and has an obvious dent in the middle. It makes sleeping on our backs quite uncomfortable. I know quality sleep has amazing benefits, including healing. Anything I can do to improve my hormones is important to me.

Even with an older mattress, however, I feel more well rested than before. I did not think one additional hour of sleep a night would help this much. I know I am not “catching up” on sleep I previously lost. There are studies that show you can not play the catch up game with your sleep. Regardless, I am grateful I am sleeping better and it is something I can do to easily take care of myself. It does not cost a dime either! 😉

What I Ate This Week (11/30 – 12/6/17)

A friend visited me from St. Louis over the weekend 🙂

Breakfast

Maple pecan oats

1/2 Mom’s Special from Mom’s Deli – My friend who visited this weekend brought me a sandwich 🙂

Toast + clementines with plain yogurt – I bought this yogurt at the farmer’s market.

Mushroom and Swiss Chard Quiche – Something from my recipe testing I do and the crust turned out very poorly.

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Lunch

Apple beet carrot ginger juice + avocado toast

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1/2 an Italian sandwich

2 Bean and Cheese Pupusas and 1/2 Tamale

Lentil barley soup

Spaghetti squash and Lentil Bolognese

Dinner

Burrito bowl

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Lentil barley soup

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Spaghetti squash and Lentil Bolognese

Pork Boxty

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Thai Chili Tofo and Brussels Sprouts

Dessert

Christmas cookies

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Chocolate

Vegan Cheesecake

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