If I Believed in Signs

I feel like through this divorce process things that I feel are coincidental are slapping me in the face left and right. Mainly because of being in this situation I am noticing things that relate to how I am feeling and what I am thinking. If I believed in signs who knows what I would be doing right now, most likely making poor or rash decisions.

Here is the thing with signs, yes it may seem like they are telling you to do something or make a particular decision, BUT coincidence are common. Also, if you are in a crazy time in life, you are just going to notice that kind of sh*t. The probability that a “sign” will happen is highly likely then. I studied physics and therefore statistics, they are merely accidental happenings occurring all the time and are in no way related to major life choices you are making.

However, for fun… let us look over the signs I have noticed as I am going through this big life change.

  • Colorado ads have popped up everywhere I go and suddenly we have had a lot of visitors from Colorado at the museum, from the exact day things turned for the worst in my relationship. I have desired to live in Colorado since Summer 2008 when I had an internship in Boulder. Every time I go back to Colorado I yearn to be there.
  • Music that so perfectly expresses how I feel has been releasing, such as Sam Smith’s How do you sleep?, Post Malone’s Goodbyes and Selena Gomez’s Lose You to Love Me.
  • A lot of people from my past (friends, professors, colleagues, etc.) are experiencing break ups and posting things on social media that directly related to the issues my partner and I had.
  • My wedding band fell apart. It had a wood inlay with resin over it to keep it secure. Within a week of the events that made my life feel like it was imploding, the resin popped all around the ring and the wood started shifting. The weekend before I broke up with my partner it just fell out.
  • My fertility got the all clear from my doctor (which I did not tell my partner about) when my partner began to make statements like, “I guess we should get started on having kids because we are behind everyone else, ” and “Well, we need to have kids so that someone can take care of us when we get old.” Not valid reasons to have children, but he could have also been scared. Unfortunately, that was not the case.
  • A now friend who considered me, “just a hook up,” added me on Snapchat around the time I started considering divorce (end of May). Coincidentally he has connected with me in some way every time I was on the verge of breaking up with my partner. He also lives in Colorado, yet another coincidence.

What does all this mean? Nothing. It just makes you think. Thinking is good. None of this made the decision for me. This process is not easy and following signs make it all the more stressful. Love from friends and family is essential for moving forward and I highly recommend as many hugs as possible. Hugs make me feel like the problems are melting away.

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