Breaking Routine and Letting Go

This will be more of a mental release sort of post. I need to just remind myself to not be so OCD and allow unnecessary stress in. Life is good and I want to be embracing that, so I am checking myself before I wreck myself!

I need a break from my normal and not just my daily routine of how I get myself ready for work or for bed. I had been habitually being obsessed with planning and not following through with things, such as planning to go out on an adventure and changing my mind last minute. I have been keeping myself from doing things I love.

I also crave spontaneity. I want to not be so obsessed with all the plans and just go with what I feel like doing. Its was something I did a lot in Italy and I had wished while I was there that I could bring it into my non-vacation life. I can, so the only thing holding me back is myself.

I already have been changing up some things, like letting go if my morning routine is different from one morning to the next. As long as I feel good and get to work on time, then what does it really matter. All the undue anxiety I have caused myself has only set me back from enjoying life.

To detail what has been going on a bit more. I have been starting off my day stressed about following a routine so closely that I feel defeated if things get messed up, my OCD regularly has me thinking this way. An unreliable staff member at work has been stressing me out because I wonder if they will show or what mistakes they will make that day.

My partner has had to work every weekend for the last month, and while I should just not make plans that include him, I have let it cause me to just not do anything that brings me joy. I know it is not his fault, he just desires the opportunity to impress his colleagues and learn more useful skills for his job. I need to let him have some time and then we can spontaneously explore together again. I know he has been craving it too.

This blog post is more sharing that I recognize that I have veered in a direction I do not what to head. I know that by admitting to this, things could get worse. I could take it out on others or become depressed. This can also be seen in last week’s post as well. I am in need of some self-regulation and a revival. I know what I need to do.

Self-Regulation

I just watched this NPR YouTube video with Cookie Monster. It spoke to me. I have an issue with self regulation, especially when I am about to start a new cycle. Additionally, I have been purchasing treats and telling myself that I will share them with my partner later, but then… I eat my half early or the entire thing… oops!

I believe I probably treat or snack too often when I need to refocus on other things, like getting chores done or taking a walk. I should really update my to-do list and that might help me out. It is an easy solution. I am hoping to lose more weight slowly like I did in the Fall, but I have been maintaining rather than losing.

On top of that, I have realized recently that I buy too many groceries. My last Costco trip I cut back on items and it cut my bill in half. I feel like it was easier to use it all up too, since I do not like to let things go bad. Also, no one needs as many snack items lying around as we currently do.

It is F=funny how a 5 minute video with a Sesame Street character can help put things in more perspective for you and teach you something, even at 32 years old. I came up with a lot of solutions to my current problem from that. Thank you, NPR.

This Mother’s Day Goes Out To All Women

By the end of this year I will have 1 niece and 5 nephews and no children of my own. I am not about to ask people to pity me, this is more about empowerment through sharing your story. As I have stated, I have infertility. I first started feeling like I really want children at the age of about 28, maybe 29. So 5 years ago. I knew it would not be easy and after a procedure, getting off the pill and doing everything I was told to do to regulate my cycle, I still have infertility.

I feel done with crying. I know there is a chance I may never be a mother. However, I still have hope. I just scheduled a midwife visit, since I now have insurance. I know I am not a good candidate for IVF and I have heard stories from many women lately about their struggles to get pregnant or even adopt. I feel like there is still more I can do and I know my life can provide something.

It has been a joy to welcome my niece and nephews into my life. I do not care that some folks tell me that the children of my cousin who I grew up with like a sister and my best friend of over 20 years, are not my niece and nephews. I am close to them and I love them. Even if I am not able to have children, I have these wonderful kiddos in my life. I send them books and see them grow and have all sort of hopes and dreams for them. Dreams of them being completely happy.

This Mother’s Day, I am thinking about all women. Those I know who are mothers, those I know who have lost their child(ren) due to miscarriage or tragedy, and those of us who want to become mothers, but it is not as easy as we once thought it would be. Happy Mother’s Day and may the beautiful children we are blessed to be apart of their lives grow up to be incredibly happy.

Curly Girl Method

The past 5 years I have been trying to be more natural with my hair. It is wavy, sometimes almost curvy. I did not realize, or accept, until graduate school that I have textured hair. I just thought I have incredibly frizzy hair, especially in humid weather. My memories are of it being a total nightmare. However, most of my friends would compliment my hair. So it was more just in my head, as it is for everyone.

Truth, my hair was so frizzy because I was brushing, blow drying and straightening my textured hair. I did not know how to care for my hair. Although, I am learning how to care for it, slowly. I figured out that heat and brushing is terrible for it while I lived in Chicago and I started using more natural hair products too. I just do not know what techniques to use…

Thus comes in the Curly Girl Method Handbook which is so far teaching me that I had a lot of the right ideas in mind, but yes my technique was off. My hair is healthier because of the efforts I made in using natural products and cutting off the damaging heat and brushing rituals. I have not been scrunching enough, cupping my hair in my hand and squishing it up toward my scalp. I also need a hair cut, at least twice a year instead of my once a year habit.

I also may be thinking about a trip to a salon rather than where ever is cheapest. I have never been much for going to the salon, it always just seemed like an over priced experience. Friends in Chicago who go regularly to the salon told me of prices $75+ and they paid that every couple months… that is just too much. I feel like if I have healthy hair, I should not need to get my hair cut or treated that often. Also, natural stuff should never be that expensive.

Now that I am on the right track to healthier waves, I just have to figure out the cut that is best for my hair.