This will be more of a mental release sort of post. I need to just remind myself to not be so OCD and allow unnecessary stress in. Life is good and I want to be embracing that, so I am checking myself before I wreck myself!
I need a break from my normal and not just my daily routine of how I get myself ready for work or for bed. I had been habitually being obsessed with planning and not following through with things, such as planning to go out on an adventure and changing my mind last minute. I have been keeping myself from doing things I love.
I also crave spontaneity. I want to not be so obsessed with all the plans and just go with what I feel like doing. Its was something I did a lot in Italy and I had wished while I was there that I could bring it into my non-vacation life. I can, so the only thing holding me back is myself.
I already have been changing up some things, like letting go if my morning routine is different from one morning to the next. As long as I feel good and get to work on time, then what does it really matter. All the undue anxiety I have caused myself has only set me back from enjoying life.
To detail what has been going on a bit more. I have been starting off my day stressed about following a routine so closely that I feel defeated if things get messed up, my OCD regularly has me thinking this way. An unreliable staff member at work has been stressing me out because I wonder if they will show or what mistakes they will make that day.
My partner has had to work every weekend for the last month, and while I should just not make plans that include him, I have let it cause me to just not do anything that brings me joy. I know it is not his fault, he just desires the opportunity to impress his colleagues and learn more useful skills for his job. I need to let him have some time and then we can spontaneously explore together again. I know he has been craving it too.
This blog post is more sharing that I recognize that I have veered in a direction I do not what to head. I know that by admitting to this, things could get worse. I could take it out on others or become depressed. This can also be seen in last week’s post as well. I am in need of some self-regulation and a revival. I know what I need to do.