Refocusing My Negative Efforts

I do not want to be negative. This week I was reminded of a time when I can be quite negative and felt like I was wasting my energy doing so. I think valentine’s day a bullshit, commercial holiday, which causes people to focus way too much on what is not important (high expectations for “expressions of love”). Maybe this negativity toward this holiday is not just due to commercialism, but also from many poor experiences in my past relationships.

An ex-boyfriend put so much pressure and expectations on this holiday with anticipating his favorite chocolates in a larger package than the previous year, something made from the heart in the same manner as he would compile special mix CDs for me and a expensive meal out even though we were both struggling to pay college tuition. The important thing to him was that it top the previous year. When I did not meet his untold wishes I only felt horrible and stressed out from his harshly expressed disappointment. I see this theme with many couples each year.

Frankly, I feel we should show love everyday and a couple who are committed to one another should clarify early on in the relationship what they need to feel loved. My partner and I were honest from the git go the anxiety this holiday induces in us and do not celebrate valentine’s day. Although it was a few years into our relationship that we had a chat about what we need to feel loved, we do not regret our choice to disconnect ourselves from it.

I would would say my only regret is how I have been rude to others who wish my a happy valentine’s day or have something to say about our choice to not celebrate. I want to handle that differently. Sure it is not great having someone tell you, “You are ruining the holiday for the rest of us!” However, I know that is not true. Then, I can wish them a good holiday and be done with it. I want to take more opportunities to be a good person.

Hope everyone enjoyed Mardi Gras, Ash Wednesday, Valentine’s day, Lunar New Year or whatever they had going on this week!

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