Intentions

I watched a Youtube video earlier this week that made me realize lately I have been better about making choices that match with my intentions. I had been so lazy with my goals that I was not as conscious of my actions as I usually am. I have always intended to have a fulfilling, happy, healthy life. However, since I stopped working out and have no longer been employed, I let some of my daily actions toward my goals and intentions fall to the wayside.

Just within the past month I have been working toward:

• being active daily
• becoming a volunteer at the local history museum
• eating not only healthy foods, but in a reasonable amount
• meditating

All things I that help me live my best life. I am so elated for things to be looking up. Makes me feel ready to review my goals document. Happy Sunday!

Am I Really Busy?

Have you ever said you were busy, but really you just are acting like a hobbit for some reason or you are letting feelings overwhelm you or some other ‘lame’ excuse that kept you from having fun and stay connected to people. I feel like I have been coming up with ‘lame’ excuses for why I do not talk to people, go after more things or do more things. Inspirational moments like this always come to me with a good BBC documentary watching, I have been watching Life if you were wondering. I am on the Insects episode.

Back to my ah-ha moment. A lot of things changed this Fall, but the only one that had to change was a job change. I stopped saying good morning to my friend everyday. I stopped being my active self. I stopped doing anything with hair or makeup. I ate a lot of food, a lot. I feel like I wallowed and used travel to avoid doing things. I feel I could have done more with my life the past 5 months. And yes, BBC nature documentaries got me to realize this because animals, bugs, plants do and face so much everyday. Therefore what in the hell am I doing!?

I spent way too much time on the couch just this month. I was sick and my partner enjoys being at home in front of the TV for his birthday, but I could have been more active. I have not been taking care of myself or the apartment. I was sick for a week and a half. I also watched my partner complete the entire Legend of Zelda Breathe of the Wild game. Fun to see the story line through, but not how I like to spend my entire day.

I am done sitting around though and feeling useless. I have been a little active everyday since Tuesday, even if it was just 10 min of yoga or walking around the apt while reading because we had snow storms. I am trying to get out even with the snow and low temperatures since it is not like it will end when we move to New York. Time to live again no matter what.

Reading

Reading was never my thing, but in the spirit of the new year I have been thinking about all the things I wish I was more into. I had always admired my best friend and cousin for their intense love of reading. I felt like this passion proved to be quite valuable to them. I feel like I missed out on an experience for some reason. I also wondered if it would help grow my bank of knowledge or ability to imagine.

I always wanted to be the type of person who reads, but realistically I will just come into reading phases because I am not going to lie to myself. So it is not a goal of mine to read more in 2018, but I have been reading. In fact I already completed 2 books and begun to read a third one.

The total number of books I have read for simply the joy of it during my entire life is definitely less than 20, maybe even less than 10. Therefore, having read 2 books in less than 2 weeks is quite the change. It makes me think maybe I could be more of a reader. I just have to find the right books.

If I really had a goal for this year, it would be to escape all the technology more because those moments bring a lot of joy to my life. The books I read recently where all ones from my things still at my childhood home. A book series my mother thought I would be into because the title had my name in it and Little Women.

However, most of my reading has been done on my Kindle does not feel like I am escaping technology. Technology certainly is convenient. I think the important thing is that I am doing what makes me happy. That is my true goal always.

Hormonal Update

I mentioned that I had a cycle in September, but then things were quiet for a couple months. Nothing happened in October and I only spotted for a few days in November. Exactly one month after spotting in November, I got an early Christmas present from mother nature. I was pretty happy and finally felt like I had an update to provide on the matter of my hormones.

All I have done was stop working out and focused on managing my anxiety. I have not full on binge ate since November. I did not gain a single pound over the holidays, but that could have been due to the food poisoning I experienced on Christmas day which made it impossible to really eat much for a week. However, I feel different when I am full. I keep thinking that I can not imagine putting anything else in my mouth. I just stop eating because I am full and not in an uncomfortable way at all.

My anxiety has mainly been due to not letting things go and avoiding things. I have avoided issues, such as responding to questions regarding planning my wedding when I am not even engaged yet, and tasks that for some reason seem daunting, such as completing a written sample that was requested of me. Of course, avoiding these things ends up increasing my stress levels.

One of my faithful readers who is a dear member of my extended family and my partner have provided me with much help. Telling me to go with the flow of the visit or family gathering and to remain calm with people or I will just be projecting my anxiety onto others. I do not want my anxiety to sabotage my life and hormones. It has not been easy, but what is? I am getting there the best way possible and enjoying it.